There is nothing better than last nights kebab for breakfast. Or lunch.

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Posted by Me - - 10 comments

On Friday, my hubby dragged me down to the clinic to have my contraceptive implant removed. I say "dragged" as I literally mean 'dragged'. I have a phobia of scalpels and being cut... and a phobia of having a phobia of scalpels and being cut!
If he hadn't have "dragged" me, I would have happily left it where it was, hidden away nicely somewhere in the depths of my bingo wings.

Only it was nearing its expiry... I had to face my phobia for the second time in 6 years and have the tiny winiest surgical cut to wiggle it out. (I've been dreading this day for the past 3 years!)

After a two hour wait in the waiting room with my hubby reading 'Take a break' and 'Your Cat' magazine, a rather angry nurse called me in and told me that she really didn't want to be doing this procedure as clinic closed half an hour ago. (raa raa raa blah blah blah)
I would have been happy to walk away - more than happy, in fact I tried!!!!
But good old hubby told us both that neither of us were getting away with it that easy!
So at which point, I am panicking so much I am sweating more than I would have done after an 8-mile run through the dessert carrying a camel (I wasn't joking when I said it's a phobia!)

I have the 5 minute procedure.... and don't feel a thing... although I already know this prior, as it's the second one I've had removed.

Reason for removal (and decision to never ever have again!) = towards end of 3 year life span of implant, Amanda turns into some kind of female version of Bruce Banner, oh and when she isn't being 'Bruce' does things like randomly cry at songs, adverts, baby kittens, fresh air n stuff!
Hubby can't do anything right...
Kids can't do anything right...
(poor sods!)
I also grow a hair on my chin.. yep... that's right... a nice big sexy chin hair. (aka Chair)
But on a good note.. once the old bar goes, so does the chair!
(Dr said it's a hormonal thing related to the expiry of the bar!)
and here's for the best part... those good old periods last for about 6 weeks. Whoooppeeeeee!! (sarcasm at its very very very best)

Yippeee.. the bar is out, what was all the fuss about!...
So then I was faced with the decision of a replacement form of contraception and approx 5 mins to make my mind up! (Clinic closed nearly 45 mins earlier and the nurse is not a happy bunny remember!)
OK... I hadn't thought this through properly at all had I?!! After 6 years of having this thing tucked away without having to think about contraception, what the hell am I going to do!

It's not a simple and easy decision for me... and here's why...
So now I'll give you a few home truths about me... but don't tell anyone!

I work full time, plus the rest.... (which is the only part of my life where I am organised and efficient!)
Have two kids... table tennis practice, brownies, snooker, traa laaa laaa laaaa...
Have a hubby who works away most of the week cause he is with the Royal Navy...
Have a never ending list of to-do's, house cleaning and clean washing folded that high that I have to stand on a chair to get a clean pair of knickers (that pile never goes down!)...
Talking of knickers, I quite often double check that I haven't got yesterdays in the leg of my jeans when I'm running to the shop to buy bread cause I have nothing to make packed lunches with and it's 8.00am...
On one occasion, that trip for the bread resulted in a red face as I'd not realised my right bum cheek was on show to the world as my skirt was nicely tucked inside my knicker elastic! (that obviously was in summer!) ...
I have very nearly forgot to collect my daughter from a party on at least one occasion...
and Parents from school text me to remind me what day school term opens and closes as they know me well! (Yes I'm the one who sends daughter to school when they have inset days!)

Need i go on!
So how the hell am I going to remember to take these pills that I have ended up with!

Bollocks - looks like we'll be having another baby sooner than we wanted!
Its only day 4 and for the last 3 days I've nearly forgotten! (nearly).

Hmmm... the coil... again I'm a wuss.
Give me childbirth over these mini procedures any day!

The injection - needles don't bother me in the slightest, I'll just forget the appointment!

I think the safest option for me is to quit sex!!! (That was a joke of course!)

So I'll end January's post now... and keep my fingers crossed (should that also say legs!) that I'll not be writing about morning sickness in Feb's!

10 Responses so far.

  1. Anonymous says:

    I don't like any surgical procedures either, but I'd definitely not go through child birth in place of!

    See you in February, when I will be eager to learn if you're still one, and not two!

    CJ xx

  2. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... great post. And good luck with keeping those legs crossed!!! :D xx

  3. Anonymous says:

    WEDDING!! Keep em shut wont be the same without ya all x x x Love ya lots Julie x

  4. Heather says:

    Brilliant! Good luck with that :)

  5. Michelle says:

    I love your writing style. Great post. Hope you remember to take those pills, or you might be even more busy. Just foudn you via BMB, have added me to your bog role, feel free to follow me too. Thanks, Mich x

  6. Thanks for your comments everyone :)
    I love reading and really appreciate comments!!
    Hi Michelle - ooohh... I just noticed you following me on twitter too.. if you don't manage to sort out your twitter feed in your blog, drop me a message tonight (after kids bedtime-ish-time!) and I'll help you :) x

  7. Anonymous says:

    lol mand, hows the pill taking going? are we gonna get any cute little suprises in 9 months??

    have you thought of the contriceptive patch? it only needs replcing once a week or the injection is every 3 mnths there are lots of contaception to choose from


  8. Ps guys - the pill taking is KINDA going ok.
    My first pack, I had to go straight onto the second pack cause i missed one near the end!!
    But... no babies - yet!! lol

  9. Heather says:

    ha ha, great post! I loved having the injection, well ok not the actual getting the injection bit. Not having a period was brilliant and i only had to remember one appointment every 3 months. Excellent. however here in Finland you have to pay for your contraception!

  10. Ps Thought Id update you with bringing this to light again...

    Pill = Feb to last week a gain of OVER a stone in weight, so I have stopped!

    Bloody pill.

    Why us women eh?!